Everyone in “marketing” is busy selling creative. And metrics. And buzz. But where have the ideas gone?

I got excited the other day when I saw a commercial that led me to believe McDonald’s was going to give away coffee for free. Everyday. To its customers who made a purchase. That would blow the head off of Dunkin Donuts and maybe even put a chink in King Starbucks armor. But no, it’s just a short-term come on.

When LL Bean came forward generations ago with the lifetime guarantee, old Mr. Bean meant LIFETIME. That was an idea and a half and it served as the catalyst for one of the great success stories in business history.

Two facts to consider:

-Today, most big ideas get shot down because people are afraid of them. Along the approval chain, someone kills it. Safer to do without it. (Was Disneyland a safe idea when Walt gave it the green light?).

-Too much of what passes as “marketing” is just arts and crafts in disguise. Kindergarten finger painting. Creating beautiful ads that are Technicolor loss centers. Great marketing has to be built on great ideas. On the iPod. On the WalMart price epiphany. On the genius of American Idol. And great marketers, or those who want to be, would be well served to remember that when you place a big idea on the table, with a plan for how to make it work, you will be perceived as one of the rare people who can turn coal into diamonds.
Mark Stevens,
CEO

How dumb can a smart person get? Not much dumber than Judith Regan who attempted to add Simpson to her name.

To the widely disgusted and completely agitated U.S. public, the publishing diva is now known as “Judith Regan Simpson”.

It’s as if she woke up one morning in need of a cash infusion and thought to herself: let’s give the butcher a vile reality show! I’ll make a “killing” for my friend Rupert, myself and the most repugnant man in America. Then, we’ll treat the people like morons by telling them we are doing this as a healing exercise, a spiritual experience.

How did a gifted marketer suddenly stumble into the ranks of the Michael Jackson’s and the Rosie O’Donnell’s? How did she move from backstage genius to front and center object of wrath? How did she allow his stain to soil her soul? Forget the spin: the answer is disgustingly simple: she wanted to buy a beach front home! Problem is, given her new best friend, she had better lock the doors.

Mark Stevens, CEO MSCO

The only thing slimier than cigarettes are politicians. So why can we advertise the latter and not the former on TV? No good reason!

There should be an immediate law forbidding political advertising of any kind. Period! Why do I say this? Well, in recent weeks and building to an election day crescendo, we have watched the DC slime-sorry, “our leaders”-bash each other with everything from financial scandals to adoration of genocide. And they call it political marketing. And I call it a national disgrace.

My suggested solution? An immediate ban against all political advertising. A violation of free speech? No more than the ban against hawking smokes on TV. Or the crime of yelling “fire” in a theatre.

The benefits of this ban are many-imagine just learning where the liers and graft takers stand in civilized debates a la Lincoln/Douglas-but none more so than it would deprive the lobbyists of their greatest sweet spot in corrupting American politics: if pols don’t need money to campaign, if they cannot spend money to campaign, they are beholden to no one.

Political marketing sucks.Case closed.

Mark Stevens
CEO

Further reading- Slate.com’s The Slimiest Campaign Ads of 2006

The man who used near flawless salesmanship as the most potent force in his marketing arsenal to become President and and stay popular after eight years of dangerous failure, was not the loser on Sunday. [Fox News Sunday, Chris Wallace interviewed President Clinton]

That distinction belongs to Chris Wallace. Here is a highly placed journalist who is obligated to market himself as a strong figure well suited to represent the public’s interest. Instead, he wimps out like a grade schooler scolded by a berserk teacher. And he will never again be seen the same.

Wallace’s mistake: he allowed Billy Boy the cushion of Presidential privilege after the former President relinquished that privilege by personally attacking Wallace. Once Clinton lost it and accused Wallace of smirking, Chris was in a schoolyard fight, not journalistic discovery. And he had every right, in fact an obligation, to take off the gloves and ask the salesman for a cigar.

A major TV personality like Wallace is in the marketing business. Ask Walters, O’Reilly and Katie: they will tell you. On Sunday, Clinton embarrassed himself but Wallace lost the fight. The salesman wins again. (Chris: ask your dad for his opinion.).

Bill and Hillary Clinton are a married couple (of sorts). Man and wife. But they also represent the difference between marketing and sales.

The former President is a salesman extraordinaire. Whatever he does or doesn’t do, the world loves Bill. The former First Lady couldn’t sell water in the desert. She relies on marketing (I.e. Messaging, Madison Avenue, everything they use to move Cool Aid off the shelves.

Now those folks on Mad Ave will tell you that marketing is far more important than sales….to their way of thinking (because they never sold anything to anyone), anyone can be a salesman.

Wrong. Bill sold his way into the White House and stayed popular even though he turned the Oval Office into a porn palace. Bill can sell anything. Great salesmanship is the most powerful engine in business.

Here’s where the ruber hits the road: Bill was Commander In Chief…..Hillary will never have that title. She can market, yes, that’s how she got to be Senator in a state that was never her own. But she can’t sell. And that’s why she will never be President.

There is a metaphor here for business. Find a company that can market and sell, and that fails to see one as more important than the other, and viola, you have Virgin. And Apple. And Google.
At this point, the wisest thing Hillary can do is get a gene transplant from her so-called husband. And Ford can do the same from Microsoft.

Okay so Wal-Mart takes some heat (for what, I’ll get to in a moment) and hires the “distinguished” civil rights leader, Andrew Young, to build bridges to the inner cities/minority groups and the like. And Young promptly does what these demagogues so often do: disgraces himself with racist remarks that smear nearly every minority in the nation. Nice Job Andy. I think there’s a place for you at the UN.

But enough with Mr. Young. The bigger issue is why Wal-Mart feels the need to pacify, Chamberlain style, the so-called inner city. Here is a list of Wal-Mart’s egregious crimes:

• Enables consumers to buy almost everything you need at lower prices than everyone else sells them. So the Wal-Mart bastards actually built a business model that saves you money. Every day. Disgusting?
• employs about a zillion people (1,800,000) and provides career ladders for thousands who wouldn’t get the chance to graduate to the mailroom at the “elite” corporations who view anyone without an ivy league diploma as functionally illiterate.
• pumps billions of dollars into state, local and national economies and is the lifeline for a legion of small businesses that bitch as they make a fortune as Wal-Mart suppliers.

Terrible isn’t it? Crimes against humanity! Listen to Wal-Mart’s critics and that seems to be the case. So in true Chamberlain style, Wal-Mart seeks to pacify the whiners by hiring the likes of Young when there isn’t a reason in the world to pacify anyone.
Just look back to your recent past Wal-Mart. Your founder Sam Walton was the greatest marketer of his era. He built clean, accessible, enormous stores in backwater towns the whiners are too arrogant to even drive through and he offered working class families prices that made the fat cat rip off artists who bled them before, shut down and leave.
Who has to apologize for that? Certainly not the company that brought the savings to you and in the process reinvented retailing. Wal-Mart should continue marketing itself as it has always done: low price leader. Low price leader. Low price leader.
Anyone who finds that objectionable can shop elsewhere. Or triple the markup and send the proceeds to Andrew Young’s favorite charities.

Mark Stevens,

CEO

Hollywood is a buzz with advance word of Mel Gibson’s rumored new epic “Why I Hate Jews.“ Based on the Gibson family’s real “PASSION,” the new film will reportedly reveal heretofore unseen newsreels of David Ben Gurion, Albert Einstein, Marc Chagall and their cohorts planning the myth of the holocaust.

Marketing genius that he is, Gibson reportedly staged his recent DWI incident, knowing that his anti-Semitic outburst would provide a powerful boost for his image worldwide, given the growing hatred of all things Jewish. And with box office revenues outside of the US growing exponentially, Gibson is building the ideal platform for his hot new hate epic.

In Gibson’s recent meeting with Jewish leaders, convened at his request, the actor/producer apologized for his recent behavior and asked his hosts to protest violently against “Why I Hate Jews.” when is it said to be released this Christmas.

“There’s no better way to build momentum for my new film,” Gibson reportedly told his friends in Tehran, ” especially in France, than to have a bunch of angry Hebs protesting against it. I smell money here. And I’ll take that over Passion any time.”

Click for more on anti-Semitism, or Mel Gibson.

Mark Stevens,

CEO

Imagine if Kofi Annan was a product. Would he sell? Well, he doesn’t do anything of value. Zero. I mean a total wastoid.

But wait, this guy whose performance sucks, is a marketing magician. I mean there is turmoil in the world requiring solutions to complex issues and this paper thin pathetic excuse for a leader gets quoted as a voice of authority. On what? The buying of extravagant suits? The dining at haute cuisine restaurants? Well, he does those things well. But a voice on real world issues? Don’t make me sick.

If you want proof that marketing can make miracles happen, and that the UN is a marketing machine par excellence-and nothing else-remind yourself that monsieur Annon runs the asylum. And then pray!

Interested in hiring Mr. Annan? Read his résumé

Mark Stevens

CEO

Dear Wa-Wa:

Didn’t you tell us for years – for decades, actually it feels like centuries – that you are a newswoman? A journalist? Yes, I think there’s no denying that. You got the scoops with Castro and Kissinger and then in the “I know the stars better than anyone else,” years, with every flash in the pan or ‘just got dumped by their ex’ emotional train wreck.

And now, Wa-Wa, the only real “Star” on your show tells the truth, and the Mother Theresa of journalists screams to her minions – and then to her audience – “this black woman had the temerity to tell what really happened.” Star: How could you? And Barb, I guarantee you wouldn’t have said this about Meredith.

Think of it this way: Wa-Wa wanted Rosie. Wa-Wa fires Star. Wa-Wa first hired Star because she was outspoken (know your limits girl). Then Star decides to shun the Wa-Wa spin for the truth, and Mother Theresa crucifies the uppity bitch on air.

Tell us why Wa-Wa. It’s your show. Your zillions. You won years ago. You are an old lady. Go out in style. Do you really need to mud wrestle at this stage? To leave the stage with the epitaph “her marketing sucks?”

Mark Stevens

CEO

Ok. The most obnoxious business person in the world, is the best marketer in the world. Bar none numero uno.

And that is? The Trumpster. Oh sure, millions think he is crass and loud and garish and egotistical. And the same millions, and millions more, hang on his every word, buy his books, watch his TV show, buy his real estate, license his brand, humiliate themselves on national TV to work for him…..it goes on and on.

Trump may be a real estate genius but he definitely, absolutely, without a doubt is a marketing wizard. No one else comes close. Well, maybe Oprah, but DT wins hands down.

And why? For the same reasons so many millions SAY they detest him: he is crass and loud, garish and egotistical. But you know what? It works! A lot better than being demure and polite and politically correct.

Trump’s marketing is ingenious because it makes certain he never let’s you forget he is out there. And in your face. And setting trends. And if you think that sucks, ask DT to tutor you. You need it.

Mark Stevens

CEO